Amal’s name means: 1) To be wildly popular! 2) A failure at life.
… Fuck you.
Denise’s name means: 1) To get excited. 2) Secretly homo.
gabby’s name means: 1) To put on panties. 2) Makes miracles occur! Fuck. YOU.
Leia’s name means: 1) Actually an alien. 2) To be wildly popular!
Woah, what?
Anastasia’s name means: 1) Owns a large collection of loli. 2) To put on panties.
Morgan’s name means: 1) Gone down the wrong path in life. 2) Constantly procrastinating.
… Accurate.
Bex’s name means: 1) The final boss. 2) To have a secret power.
I’m down with that.
lolbatty’s name means: 1) Seems nice, but is just a pervert. 2) Mankind’s savior.
Accurate.
Elizabeth’s name means: 1) To transform into a hentai. 2) Fabulous. <WHAT. zombiewang’s name means: 1) To show off your ●●● 2) Secretly homo. <okay this is more accurate but still what
Brittany’s name means: 1) Makes miracles occur! 2) To use THAT.
Hold up, I have to grab a bigger backpack to carry all the extra swag I just gained from that.
Eva_Fan’s name means: 1) Skilled at cross-dressing. 2) Pure moe~
Eva_Fan’s Real name means: 1) (*´Д`)haa haa 2) Suffering.
Why? WHY?
Now If you’ll excuse me i’m off to sob in the corner.
So it’s been 6 months since i last updated this blog…
I’d like to say while i was away a lot had happened since then, but it really hasn’t.
There were some things of note, but for the most part life meandered on much as it has done this past year.
As i said in my last update; my “Yankee Girl” came and saw me last summer which was great. I was so happy to see her, and even now i look at photos of that summer and it warms my heart. In December we celebrated 1 year together.
I was even holding down a temporary job at the time, but that came to an and with the start of 2012. So once again I find myself out of work. A lack of work and therefore a lack of money only worries me more as I want a future with my girl.
This really brings me on to the key point of my post. Durring the past few months i’ve found it harder to lay my worries to rest. The anxiety and stress have caused me to become quite depressed. I’m not sure but as i understand it my Asburger’s Syndome makes me more prone to anxiety and frustration.
But in the past few months it’s got worse than i’ve ever encountered before. I reached a point where i was hardly going out and socializing (even with my own family), even to the point where I would hardly leave my room. My girlfreind encurraged me to seek help.
I’m now taking stress management classes which are helping me understand the part stress plays in causing anxiety & depression. And i’m going out and being more social now as well. On the surface things look like they’re improving.
But i recently made a BIG mistake. I misunderstood something my girlfriend said. And then my fears, doubts, and anxiety played on my mind, tricking me. This combined with advice and opinions by well meaning people, led to me making a decision i now regret deeply.
I wasn’t happy with things in my life (many of them i felt i couldn’t control), and thought she was unhappy with me. I panicked. I told her i didn’t want to be in a relationship with her because of what she had told me.
She said if i really didn’t want to be in the relationship i didn’t have to stay, but that i should know why she said that.
She went on to explain that she had meant she was unhappy with the miserable, anxious and depressed person i had become, she wanted me to go be back to the happy, fun loving guy I had been when she fell in love with me.
Then i began to understood the error of my choice, that a lack of information, and my confusion that had arisen from my anxiety and other’s opinions. I broke down in tears as i realized i had hurt the woman i love, and that i couldn’t just take back the words i had said.
I set about clearing my mind of the fog of doubt and confusion that filled my mind so i could see my true desires. And there she was, all that i had ever wanted. So i wrote her a letter to explain how i felt, and how foolish i’d been.
She accepted my feelings, but said it didn’t take away from the pain i had caused. It would take time for those wounds to heal.
Now i know how low i my depression will take me. But i don’t want to be like this any longer. I don’t want to shut out the people around me and hurt those i love.
I want to break the cycle. To stop the anxiety feeding the depression that feeds right back into the anxiety.
To stop jumping to conclusions, allowing anxiety to make me assume the worse. Deprograming years of mental conditioning won’t be easy.
This course is the first step to draging myself out of the depression. I have to keep working at it…
..for me….
..and for any chance of reconciliation with the woman I love.
“Our house was small, and when you grow up with domestic violence in a confined space you learn to gauge, very precisely, the temperature of situations. I knew exactly when the shouting was done and a hand was about to be raised – I also knew exactly when to insert a small body between the fist and her face, a skill no child should ever have to learn. Curiously, I never felt fear for myself and he never struck me, an odd moral imposition that would not allow him to strike a child. The situation was barely tolerable: I witnessed terrible things, which I knew were wrong, but there was nowhere to go for help. Worse, there were those who condoned the abuse. I heard police or ambulancemen, standing in our house, say, “She must have provoked him,” or, “Mrs Stewart, it takes two to make a fight.” They had no idea. The truth is my mother did nothing to deserve the violence she endured. She did not provoke my father, and even if she had, violence is an unacceptable way of dealing with conflict. Violence is a choice a man makes and he alone is responsible for it.” Patrick Stewart: the legacy of domestic violence
i didnt know about patrick stewart
confirms my adoration for this brilliant actor and hilarious man.
I’ll add in the note that women can be domestically abusive too. But this is wonderful, as is Patrick Stewart
I love you fake uncle!
I love how it looks as though someone just randomly ran into Patrick on his way back from getting groceries and decided to have him pose with the sign.
It takes a lot of currage to face and admit painful memories like that. So much respect for him.
I would be INCREDIBLY surprised if any of you recognise what I’ve built here. HAND BUILT BY THE WAY. On my village map between the wooden village and the stone city.
I LOVE THAT FILM. it would be cool with vines :)
Oh god I forgot to bother with vines :O I’ll make another out in the distance somewhere with vines over it haha.
Awesome!!! But I would’ve thought a mixture of sandstone and dirt would have looked better :P
Yeaah I’m not sure on the overall materials, those are just placeholders I suppose. I’ll experiment sometime!
glowstone eyes would be badass. Needs more trees too :3
That’s awesome.
I love Laputa. It was the first anime i ever saw, and it’s still one of my favorites.
I tried to make Moroccan Meatballs. Following the recipe left me with a meal which wasn’t as spiced as I thought it was going to be, but still very tasty. Next week I will do the recipe my way, and it will be glorious.
Some people might call me a geek, and/or a goth, but i'm not really fussed; I am who I am and I like the things I like and that's that!!
I love; anime, computers, conventions, drinking, Japanese language & culture, LARPing, manga, Rock & Metal music, RPGs, Sci-Fi, video gaming, wargaming.
Most of all i love my friends, in particular my girlfriend.
Favorite Anime: Bubblegum Crisis, Code Geass, Detroit Metal City, Fate / Stay Night, Final Fantasy Unlimited, Fullmetall Alchemist, GaoGaiGar, Ghost In A Shell: Stand Alone Complex, Macross Frontier, Neon Geneses Evangelion, Ranma 1/2, Saber Maronnette, Tengen Toppa Gurren Laggan.
Favorite Video Games: Civilisation 2, Dead Or Alive, Doom, God Hand, Half-Life, Left 4 Dead, Portal, Quake, Samurai Warriors 2, Soul Calibre, Street Fighter, Unreal Tournament.
This is a blog about a geek and his dreams…
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